Sh*t White Feminists Say to Black Feminists (and How to Counter Them)

When white feminists ask us to temper ourselves, they are saying, “Give in to the status quo.” They are saying, “You have no right to meet your dehumanisation, exploitation, and oppression at the hands of white people with righteous anger. How dare you be visibly shaken!”. They are saying that they are more dismayed at our reactions to racism than with racism itself.

via Sh*t White Feminists Say to Black Feminists (and How to Counter Them).

Go read this!

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On Rat Bastards

Chris “Ludacris” Bridges makes me sick!

I was a longtime fan of his, but no more. I was a young adult when he released his debut album, and I have enjoyed his music ever since. But… *deep breath* According to People, this man-child and his new wife have successfully achieved their goal of ripping his 13-month-old daughter away from her mother for what appears to be no other reason than spite. He decided to seek primary custody of this baby AFTER her mother sought to raise the amount of his child support payments. Throughout the process I have not heard ANYTHING to suggest she was an unfit parent. Not one thing.

Lawd help me.

I don’t understand how or why a judge would take a baby away from it’s mother when there is not even a whisper that she’s an unfit parent!  I hurt so much for this woman.  But let me count the ways that Christopher is really to blame and has become the poster child for fuckboys everywhere.

1. He could have chosen to contest raising the child support.  That was a real option.  He also could have sought joint custody. He considered it and said to himself, “Nah. I’mma just take the baby. That’ll put an end to that.” He spent money on lawyers to get custody.  He could have paid those same lawyers to squash the child support payment request. Instead he ripped his infant from her mother. Only a raggedy, spiteful, petty little man would do that.

2. He married his girlfriend a month before going to court in an attempt to show his home would be better for the baby. I’m convinced that’s what he did.  Here’s why. He and Eudoxie dated from 2009 to the end of 2014. He proposed to and married her in the same day, just before the court date, and announced it on Instagram with a caption that said “Why wait?”. Why wait?? Because you’ve waited this long! And now you’re pressed? Could I be wrong about this? Absolutely! But a fuckboy of this magnitude is obviously capable of anything.

I wrote a few paragraphs up that he and Eudoxie did this together. I’m not sure if she really had a say, but she stood by and let it happen at the very least. Here’s how she’s an accomplice to his potato head shenanigans.

1. She married him.  She has been with that man a looooong time. I don’t believe it was possible that she didn’t know what he was trying to do by marrying her so suddenly. She may have felt pressured to go along with it. After all, she gave up her dream of becoming a doctor and dropped out of college to be with him. That was her choice to make and I support women making their own choices.  But having done that, and not having a career of her own, she became dependent on him in a way that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. At any rate, by marrying him she became an active participant in what I believe was his mean-spirited plan to gain primary custody of his child. I don’t think many women would do that to a mother who loves and takes proper care of her child. But maybe that’s just me.

*Shrugs*

I said all of that to say I AM DONE WITH CHRISTOPHER BRIDGES.  He can take a long walk off a short pier for all I care.  And I hope Eudoxie gets a backbone and does the right thing, but I find it unlikely. That poor baby.

Am I Doing Too Much?

I was reading a conversation on For Harriet between the sites founder Kimberly Foster and author/professor Yaba Blay.  They were discussing colorism and the documentary Light Girls. It was a very interesting exchange, but one thing in particular got me to thinking. The two women briefly discussed a desire they have as dark-skinned Black women to have light-skinned Black women acknowledge their privilege in discussion around oppression.

As a light-skinned Black woman, I get that. It is very difficult to have a productive, non-damaging exchange of ideas with a privileged person that doesn’t even recognize their own privilege.

It has only been the last couple of years that I have been learning about white supremacy, patriarchy, intersectional feminism, etc. I still have a long way to go in that learning, but just those few years have given be a better understand of the way the world works against oppressed people, particularly Black people. Particularly Black women.  This new information has been instrumental in giving me the vocabulary and concepts to express things that have always troubled me.

Prior to this new understanding and vocabulary, I’d say maybe 17 years ago, I became acutely aware of colorism (although I couldn’t yet name it) and how I benefited from it. Things that used to feel like compliments then began to feel backhanded.  Being called “redbone”. Having people fawn over my perceived beauty while dismissing my similarly featured, but darker, relatives. Getting unwanted, but always complimentary, attention from men who were always anxious to mention my complexion or my hair.

Once I began to see this treatment for what it was, it soon became apparent the obviously negative experience of my darker cousins.  They were told to avoid the sun because they would get “too Black”. As soon as new growth was visible at the roots of their relaxed or hot combed hair it was derided as being nappy. The discussions overheard where Black was always used as a negative against someone.

I could go on and on.

I then looked back on my youth.  I could remember grown ass men, men my father’s age, talking about what a heartbreaker I was gonna be with my pretty (straightened) hair and my light skin.  I mean…I was just a kid.  Wasn’t calling me cute enough? Ugh.

Anyway, after noticing how I was treated compared to darker skinned women, I felt obligated to call people out on it.  I also felt obligated to ALWAYS give them extra love and praise.  Just to let them know “I see you girl, and you have value”. I even do it with strangers.  And don’t let it be a natural with hair only slightly courser than my course hair.  Shoot, I’m counteracting some of the negative the world projects on them with my sincere adoration!

I sometimes wonder if I’m overdoing it.  But I know this world has standards that tear Black women down. But I know as bad as it is for me, it is different and often worse for darker women.

Loving them like they should be loved feels like the least I can do.

But maybe I am doing too much.

Make It Go Away

What is wrong with people? Why would any white person in 2015 think that it is appropriate to design a line of expensive clothing and call it “Last Niggas in Paris”?

“Touitou ushered in a quartet of models wearing three different cuts of a camel overcoat and one check, all matched with gray sweatpants and A.P.C.-designed Timberlands. Then he held up a sign that said, “Last Ni##@$ IN PARIS,” and gave us this exposition: “I call this one look Last N****s in Paris. Why? Because it’s the sweet spot when the hood—the ‘hood—meets Bertolucci’s movie Last Tango in Paris. So that’s ‘N****s in Paris’ and Last N****s in Paris. [Nervous laughter from audience.] Oh, I am glad some people laughed with me. Yes, I mean, it’s nice to play with the strong signifiers. The Timberland here is a very strong ghetto signifier. In the ghetto, it is all the Timberlands, all the big chain. Not at the same time—never; it’s bad taste. So we designed Timberlands with Timberland…” And on he went. Touitou likes to be irreverent. But what he said here seemed ill considered, at the very least.”

There are SO many things wrong with this!  The audacity of a white man living in a white supremacist world so freely using the word nigga! For profit at that! Making reference to Black fashion as “hood”! Referring to a brand of shoes worn by Black people regardless of economic status  as a “strong ghetto signifier”! And he really believes that he knows what people in the “ghetto” wear! As if he has EVER set foot in a Black ghetto! “All the Timberlands, all the big chain” my ass!

He goes on to say that he showed the collection to Kanye, including the name of it, and Kanye liked the “vibe”.  Listen. I can’t say whether Kanye West gave this man a “pass” to use the word nigga.  I can say that whether he did or not is completely irrelevant, because common sense would suggest to a person with any inkling of sensitivity that Kanye does not and cannot speak on behalf of an entire race of people, many of whom are rightfully appalled at the very idea of a white person saying nigga!

Gah! My head hurts. 

Here We Go Again (Again)

I started this blog a year ago for the expressed purpose of making a commitment to write regularly.  I wrote a whole post about it. A year later and I’ve only written five posts prior to this one.

*Hangs head in shame*

What is the deal?  Why can’t I do this?  I know my life is not very interesting (read: extremely boring). But I read interesting things.  I talk to somewhat interesting people. Surely there is material there.  Surely I should be able to find something in the words I view, speak and hear that could serve as some type of prompt.

Just taking the time to write the little I’ve written for this post has helped ease the quilt of being a consummate failure at the writing life. You’d think I could at least muster the fortitude necessary to write a little something every day so as not to feel guilty AT ALL. I could avoid the Spiral of Guilt completely. But noooooo.  That has apparently been too much for me to ask of myself.

Come on, Self!  Do better!

Here’s hoping…