Children and Appropriate Touch

Laughing Baby  

I was reading this article at For Harriet about teaching children, especially little Black girls that they have a say in who touches them and showing affection. Her point was that it’s bad to force kids to kiss and hug people on demand, particularly strangers or relatives they aren’t close to.  I agree, however the author put the emphasis on the fact that kids aren’t property. That left the heart of the matter unsaid.

As a child, I remember relatives, family friends, and even strangers feeling entitled to kiss, hold, and touch children. Even if the child obviously didn’t want to.  Even if the child cried or showed other signs of distress.  Luckily for me, my parents never forced that on me. I think that’s very important, but not because I wasn’t their property.

I think it is hypocritical to teach children that no one can touch them, especially in a sexual way, while simultaneously making them touch and display affection to people when their parent/guardian says so. If a child has a right to reject sexual touch, they can only understand and act on that right if they can reject ALL touch. Even if it hurts an adults feelings. Or makes them upset. Or makes them seem rude.

How do you tell a child that kissing Aunt Jujube that they’ve never met before is right, but it’s wrong if the neighbor wants him/her to sit in his lap?

If no one listens when they show they don’t want to be touched, they won’t be able to differentiate. They will think they have no say in what people they don’t know or trust do to their bodies.

And that won’t improve as they get older. They will believe that they have to be “polite” and do what other people want them to do, especially concerning their bodies. And no wonder. They learn that some touching is bad. But they are forced to experience or give “good” touch when they don’t want to.

So if a peer or teacher touches them inappropriately. If a person they are dating pressures them sexually. If a stranger violates them. They have learned to be “polite”. They have learned to be accommodating in what may be harmful situations. They have learned that they have no right to control their bodies.

I’ve seen my cousins be forced to hug and kiss and touch. As a child just seeing it made me uncomfortable. And some of cousins were molested by those people who were allowed to have access to their bodies.

Don’t do that to your babies.

Am I saying that we should children as little adults who are fully capable of running their lives? No. They are children. They don’t have the life experience, knowledge, or maturity to make all their own decisions. I am saying guide them in healthy behavior. Let them know that their concerns are valid. Support them in setting boundaries. Above all else protect them.

I Hate Wal-Mart

Anyone who cares at all about justice and people’s ability to make a living wage, knows that Wal-Mart is the third circle of hell. Just based on the way they treat their employees. They suck.

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Well I hate Wal-Mart for that of course, but for other reasons.

Before I get into that, let me say that I live in a small town and Wal-Mart is the only store within a 50 mile radius that has many of the things that I need to maintain my household. We have a small Family Dollar (I go there when I can find what I need) and a small Dollar General and Dollar Tree (I go there when possible also). But for things like detergent, dog food, underwear, cookware, etc. Wal-Mart is really the only option.

I said all that to say I’d never set foot in that store if I didn’t have to.

I never go until I have a list of several items that I can only get from there.  Otherwise, I try to make do with one of the other stores I mentioned and the grocery stores. I only go once every 2 months or so.

I dread going there.  I hate it.

Hate Walmart

One reason is because of the layout. If I go in through the garden section, which I do whenever possible because the parking is better on that end, I enter the store next to hair care, toiletries, makeup and such. I get what I need there. Then if I need detergent, or carpet cleaner, or some other cleaning item I have to go ALLLLDAWAAAAY to the other side of the building. And it’s a huge building.

That means there is no such thing as getting in and out quickly. I have to navigate aisles and people and merchandise just to make the trek. Then I have to move back through all that stuff just to pay for the items and get back to my truck. I hate it.

Speaking of people, I don’t know if this is just the people in my area or if there is something in Wal-Mart’s air, but the people at Wal-Mart are the most annoying I’ve ever encountered. I don’t mean the employees. I can understand them being a little hateful. I mean the customers.

They block the already tight aisles with their carts or their bodies. Consistently. And I usually have to ask to be excused several times just to get them to move enough so that I can get where I need to go. They stop suddenly and NEVER look behind them to see if anyone else may have been heading in the same direction. In the parking lot, they don’t yield for pedestrians at the crosswalks.

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Once I was standing in line and a woman pushed her cart into me, left it there, and refused to apologize! I had to move to escape her cart. I hate it.

All of these things have occasionally happened at other stores, but only rarely. However, as surely as the sun rises, every time I go to Wal-Mart I already know any combination of these things will happen.

I hate Wal-mart with a fiery passion.

RISE AND GRIND! MORNING MUSIC NEWS: Iggy Azalea & Jennifer Hudson Perform “Trouble” On ‘The Tonight Show,’ And MORE!

NOOOOO J-HUD! NOOOOOOO!

Global Grind

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Iggy Azalea’s good at stirring up trouble. The polarizing femcee performed a live version of her latest single “Trouble” featuring Jennifer Hudson on NBC’s The Tonight Show. Dressed in a merlot-colored two piece ensemble, Iggy and J.Hud danced non-stop as their band rocked out. Watch Iggy’s performance up top.

Kanye will be rockin’ out in New York City next week. Ye is scheduled to perform at the inaugural Roc City Classic concert in Manhattan’s Flatiron neighborhood on February 12. Rumor has it, Kanye’s performance at Roc City could be the very first stop of a reported tour with Rihanna. [Complex]

Don’t f*ck with Ghostface Killah. The Wu Tang Clan ain’t nothing to f*ck with, and if you’re a Texas heckler, you better protect your neck. During a concert in Amarillo, Texas, Ghostface Killah battled it out with a heckling fan. Fortunately, Ghostface…

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it didn’t happen like I thought it would

Well color me tickled!
If you ever wondered why many people hate it when white Christian missionaries go to Africa, here is why.
This poor, disillusioned, misguided woman is disappointed (that’s her word) that the people she went to save in Kenya are not in need of her services. She actually laments the fact that they have everything most of us have here in America and waxes poetic about how miserable that makes her. You really have to read it for yourself to appreciate the hilarity of that. It perfectly exposes the pride involved in white saviourism. I laughed from a very deep place! I’m still chuckling.
Thankfully she’s being dragged by her bangs in the comments. Hopefully she will reflect on her privilege and her motivations and come out of this a better Christian.

Jestidwell's Blog

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Wilhelm picked us up at 9am.
I was dressed in my “mission trip clothes” and had my game face on.
Today was going to be the day that I fell in love with Kenya.

it didn’t happen

Wilhelm took us to The Junction {Nairobi’s version of a mall}.
We walked around looking for a place to exchange money and eat some lunch. We hadn’t eaten anything since our flight from Paris.
We had to walk through security just to get in the door.
They opened my purse, patted us down and then we went inside.
There were guards at every store, some with machine guns and some with sticks.
I kept looking at John and then looking around me and he noticed that I was struggling to take it in.

My heart was prepared for dirt floors.
For dirty laundry hanging everywhere.
For kids that were half naked and covered…

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Get My EBook “Going Natural” for FREE

I don’t have much money but I do all I can to support my skinfolk. This natural African-American woman has an ebook she’s offering for free today only. Please share this among your followers, and leave her some good reviews on Amazon.

Thank a bunch.

Lovin' My Natural Hair

As my personal gift to all women who have considered going natural or ever questioned their own unique beauty, take a look at my journey. We have to ask ourselves why we don’t embrace our own beauty? What has led us to hate our own look so much so that we put damaging chemicals in our bodies? These are the questions I have asked myself, you may find some of the answers surprising. Please enjoy my Ebook “Going Natural: How I learned to love my natural hair” for Free. Get it today as this is a limited time offer.

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