Children and Appropriate Touch

Laughing Baby  

I was reading this article at For Harriet about teaching children, especially little Black girls that they have a say in who touches them and showing affection. Her point was that it’s bad to force kids to kiss and hug people on demand, particularly strangers or relatives they aren’t close to.  I agree, however the author put the emphasis on the fact that kids aren’t property. That left the heart of the matter unsaid.

As a child, I remember relatives, family friends, and even strangers feeling entitled to kiss, hold, and touch children. Even if the child obviously didn’t want to.  Even if the child cried or showed other signs of distress.  Luckily for me, my parents never forced that on me. I think that’s very important, but not because I wasn’t their property.

I think it is hypocritical to teach children that no one can touch them, especially in a sexual way, while simultaneously making them touch and display affection to people when their parent/guardian says so. If a child has a right to reject sexual touch, they can only understand and act on that right if they can reject ALL touch. Even if it hurts an adults feelings. Or makes them upset. Or makes them seem rude.

How do you tell a child that kissing Aunt Jujube that they’ve never met before is right, but it’s wrong if the neighbor wants him/her to sit in his lap?

If no one listens when they show they don’t want to be touched, they won’t be able to differentiate. They will think they have no say in what people they don’t know or trust do to their bodies.

And that won’t improve as they get older. They will believe that they have to be “polite” and do what other people want them to do, especially concerning their bodies. And no wonder. They learn that some touching is bad. But they are forced to experience or give “good” touch when they don’t want to.

So if a peer or teacher touches them inappropriately. If a person they are dating pressures them sexually. If a stranger violates them. They have learned to be “polite”. They have learned to be accommodating in what may be harmful situations. They have learned that they have no right to control their bodies.

I’ve seen my cousins be forced to hug and kiss and touch. As a child just seeing it made me uncomfortable. And some of cousins were molested by those people who were allowed to have access to their bodies.

Don’t do that to your babies.

Am I saying that we should children as little adults who are fully capable of running their lives? No. They are children. They don’t have the life experience, knowledge, or maturity to make all their own decisions. I am saying guide them in healthy behavior. Let them know that their concerns are valid. Support them in setting boundaries. Above all else protect them.


I Hate Wal-Mart

Anyone who cares at all about justice and people’s ability to make a living wage, knows that Wal-Mart is the third circle of hell. Just based on the way they treat their employees. They suck.


Well I hate Wal-Mart for that of course, but for other reasons.

Before I get into that, let me say that I live in a small town and Wal-Mart is the only store within a 50 mile radius that has many of the things that I need to maintain my household. We have a small Family Dollar (I go there when I can find what I need) and a small Dollar General and Dollar Tree (I go there when possible also). But for things like detergent, dog food, underwear, cookware, etc. Wal-Mart is really the only option.

I said all that to say I’d never set foot in that store if I didn’t have to.

I never go until I have a list of several items that I can only get from there.  Otherwise, I try to make do with one of the other stores I mentioned and the grocery stores. I only go once every 2 months or so.

I dread going there.  I hate it.

Hate Walmart

One reason is because of the layout. If I go in through the garden section, which I do whenever possible because the parking is better on that end, I enter the store next to hair care, toiletries, makeup and such. I get what I need there. Then if I need detergent, or carpet cleaner, or some other cleaning item I have to go ALLLLDAWAAAAY to the other side of the building. And it’s a huge building.

That means there is no such thing as getting in and out quickly. I have to navigate aisles and people and merchandise just to make the trek. Then I have to move back through all that stuff just to pay for the items and get back to my truck. I hate it.

Speaking of people, I don’t know if this is just the people in my area or if there is something in Wal-Mart’s air, but the people at Wal-Mart are the most annoying I’ve ever encountered. I don’t mean the employees. I can understand them being a little hateful. I mean the customers.

They block the already tight aisles with their carts or their bodies. Consistently. And I usually have to ask to be excused several times just to get them to move enough so that I can get where I need to go. They stop suddenly and NEVER look behind them to see if anyone else may have been heading in the same direction. In the parking lot, they don’t yield for pedestrians at the crosswalks.


Once I was standing in line and a woman pushed her cart into me, left it there, and refused to apologize! I had to move to escape her cart. I hate it.

All of these things have occasionally happened at other stores, but only rarely. However, as surely as the sun rises, every time I go to Wal-Mart I already know any combination of these things will happen.

I hate Wal-mart with a fiery passion.

RISE AND GRIND! MORNING MUSIC NEWS: Iggy Azalea & Jennifer Hudson Perform “Trouble” On ‘The Tonight Show,’ And MORE!


Global Grind

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Iggy Azalea’s good at stirring up trouble. The polarizing femcee performed a live version of her latest single “Trouble” featuring Jennifer Hudson on NBC’s The Tonight Show. Dressed in a merlot-colored two piece ensemble, Iggy and J.Hud danced non-stop as their band rocked out. Watch Iggy’s performance up top.

Kanye will be rockin’ out in New York City next week. Ye is scheduled to perform at the inaugural Roc City Classic concert in Manhattan’s Flatiron neighborhood on February 12. Rumor has it, Kanye’s performance at Roc City could be the very first stop of a reported tour with Rihanna. [Complex]

Don’t f*ck with Ghostface Killah. The Wu Tang Clan ain’t nothing to f*ck with, and if you’re a Texas heckler, you better protect your neck. During a concert in Amarillo, Texas, Ghostface Killah battled it out with a heckling fan. Fortunately, Ghostface…

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it didn’t happen like I thought it would

Well color me tickled!
If you ever wondered why many people hate it when white Christian missionaries go to Africa, here is why.
This poor, disillusioned, misguided woman is disappointed (that’s her word) that the people she went to save in Kenya are not in need of her services. She actually laments the fact that they have everything most of us have here in America and waxes poetic about how miserable that makes her. You really have to read it for yourself to appreciate the hilarity of that. It perfectly exposes the pride involved in white saviourism. I laughed from a very deep place! I’m still chuckling.
Thankfully she’s being dragged by her bangs in the comments. Hopefully she will reflect on her privilege and her motivations and come out of this a better Christian.

Jestidwell's Blog


Wilhelm picked us up at 9am.
I was dressed in my “mission trip clothes” and had my game face on.
Today was going to be the day that I fell in love with Kenya.

it didn’t happen

Wilhelm took us to The Junction {Nairobi’s version of a mall}.
We walked around looking for a place to exchange money and eat some lunch. We hadn’t eaten anything since our flight from Paris.
We had to walk through security just to get in the door.
They opened my purse, patted us down and then we went inside.
There were guards at every store, some with machine guns and some with sticks.
I kept looking at John and then looking around me and he noticed that I was struggling to take it in.

My heart was prepared for dirt floors.
For dirty laundry hanging everywhere.
For kids that were half naked and covered…

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Get My EBook “Going Natural” for FREE

I don’t have much money but I do all I can to support my skinfolk. This natural African-American woman has an ebook she’s offering for free today only. Please share this among your followers, and leave her some good reviews on Amazon.

Thank a bunch.

Lovin' My Natural Hair

As my personal gift to all women who have considered going natural or ever questioned their own unique beauty, take a look at my journey. We have to ask ourselves why we don’t embrace our own beauty? What has led us to hate our own look so much so that we put damaging chemicals in our bodies? These are the questions I have asked myself, you may find some of the answers surprising. Please enjoy my Ebook “Going Natural: How I learned to love my natural hair” for Free. Get it today as this is a limited time offer.

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That’s Not How Any of This Works

We are living in a time when celebrities, politicians, and other people with visible platforms say a terrible/wrong thing only to issue a forced apology. The formula goes like this:

Famous Person: Says racist thing.

Public: That’s racist. You’re racist.

Famous Person: I’m sorry you didn’t agree with the racist thing. I’m not racist.

Looks familiar right?

Well the latest, and probably the worst case of 2015, comes to us courtesy of one Ms. Stacy Dash. First she said:

“The other bad girls–bad women–are the ones who like to be naughty, might go out and play and get hurt and then, you know…But the other thing about this is that it then blames the alcohol instead of the person who over-drinks. So it’s like, the same thing with guns. Guns don’t kill people; people kill people. Alcohol doesn’t get you drunk; you get yourself drunk.”


“I would just like someone to tell me the rules. Are women strong enough to take care of themselves, or are they not strong enough to take care of themselves? Because we’re getting so many mixed messages. And I do feel for some of these fraternity guys because you look at UVA, none of them have been convicted of anything. So I think a lot of boys are feeling like the minute they step foot on college – let me finish, they step foot on college and they are immediately considered to be guilty. I mean girls are given rape whistles and boys aren’t allowed at frat parties – either women can handle liquor and make responsible choices or they can’t. And they’re a bunch of babies who need to be kept away from liquor and boys.”

After a well deserved backlash, by way of “apology” Ms. Dash said:

“After a failed attempt at humor about “good girls” and “naughty girls,” during my recent appearance on Outnumbered, I transitioned to the very serious issue of men blaming alcohol for their vile behavior. LET ME BE CLEAR: I am a victim of physical and sexual abuse. My point was that there IS NO EXCUSE for a man taking advantage of women under any circumstances. I believe that these universities focusing on alcohol consumption as a means to stop evil behavior takes the focus off the real issue of the objectification of women and how that can be prevented. I apologize to anyone who believed I was blaming the victims of these horrible acts.”

*shakes fists in the air*

A few questions if I may.

1. What was this supposed “attempt at humor”? I see nothing that could constitute a joke.  Not even irony or sarcasm. She was blatantly blaming women for being raped and managed to make men the victims. The stupid. It hurts!

2. As a victim of abuse, why would she even say she was trying to be funny? When is rape ever funny? Did she take Stupidity 101 or is she the professor?

3. How is an apology an apology if you only “apologize to anyone who believed I was blaming the victims of these horrible acts”? So you’re “apologizing” to the people who believed you meant the words that you said. That’s not how that works.

There are more questions I could ask, but I’ve run out of damns to give this woman.

We need to find a way to get her back to acting and off of FOX Allegedly News (why would ANY self-respecting Black person work there? I digress). Doesn’t Tyler Perry have another woe-is-me-where-is-Madea movie that he can give her a part in?

I’m out.

Welcome to my E-Hood

I just want to take a moment to thank the few people who have started following me. I really appreciate the fact that of all the things to see and do on the internet, you chose to check out my blog.  Welcome.

Based on the last few posts, it might seem like I’m perpetually raging about something. I can assure you I’m not. I am passionate about a few things. I’m passionate about issues plaguing the Black community.  I’m passionate about doing my small (read:mediocre) part to eradicate oppression everywhere.  I’m passionate about being a good wife, daughter, employee, writer,  and person. I could go on.

The point is that I really hope you won’t judge my entire existence based on a few strongly worded, angry sounding posts.

I look forward to keeping up with all that y’all are doing and I hope you stick around to see what goes on here.

Get comfy.